Anyone with a heart is numb. Not again. Please Lord, not again.


The shooting yesterday in Uvalde, TX is horrific. We all agree. 

As a mother, there are no words. I blend within the sadness of those who lost a friend, loved one, family member, or child. It is horrible and an overwhelming wave of grief that has swept over the nation for you. But we will not feel as deeply. Oh, how we want to but it will never happen.  

In agreement as a country, we send you love, and hope, and stand in the deep hole you are feeling. We know we cannot fill your loss, but we love you, whom you lost, and hope our love will help little ways down the road when you can look up.

For those triggered by this tragedy, we mourn again with you and love you. Virtually wrap our arms around you. Every time a tragedy like this happens it opens a wound thought to have healed only to realize it isn’t. It rips the band-aid back open and the pain throbs. There are no words.

We send love to the teachers, students, families, and first responders. The list goes on.

For those of you reading apathetically STOP here. 

Because shit is about to get real.

For those who want to say those three words, I have this to say : 

F&*K your Thoughts and Prayers!

Those three words used to be agreeable, acceptable, standard, and thoughtful. That time has passed. And don’t you dare try to make it about you, claiming falsely ‘don’t tell me what to pray for. Acting offended in our rage. Don’t you DARE make it about you!

Apathy is the bowl of fruit we are forced to eat in disdain.

– America

How can an 18-year-old buy a gun but not a cigarette lighter in some states? 

How can some have to be 21 to buy cigarettes?

Why can an 18-year-old buy a gun but not buy a beer until age 21? And, die for their country?

How can we continue to pretend hypocrisy does not exist?

Our complicity in a passing-by commentary like a Hallmark card notation to a life tragedy is pathetic. I’m the first to say I suck at the right words to say at a death. My go-to is comedy, and most of what I say comes out incessantly insensitive. (i.e.: “She’s never looked so good.” While standing at a casket.)

My complicity stops.

Our most complicit citizens are the children.. They know an active shooter is a part of their existence. We are shocked and they look at us confused. And it happens again, again, and again.

No one has the answer. It is on the news. It changes to another topic.

The tears and the sadness I am feeling today as a mother, friend, daughter…I am ANGRY. Why? Because as much as I want these trajectories to change I feel helpless, hence those three words. It is a feeble attempt to show care. It has been twisted in apathetic rhetoric.

What to do then? Is this just a rant filtered along to go down the drain of the next disaster?

Perhaps, but I pray not. 

How can I speak? How can you speak? How can we all agree to make the changes needed before another generation becomes numb to being carnival ducks in a twisted game for the rest of their life?

Use your voice where it matters: Vote.

Don’t roll your eyes. DO IT!

Vote those to office who will: 

  • Not succumb to pressure,
  • Fight for change,
  • Respect your amendment right but not at the risk of others.
  • Pay for mental health care.
  • Pay for equal rights.

Vote for those who can no longer vote, because they died. They were killed. They have lost their voice, use yours for them. Speak out.

If you are saying you cannot make a difference, you can. Don’t lie to yourself in your despair.

Watch the change when we as Americans vote out those who do not do what we hired them to do. They work for us and not the other way around. 90% of Americans believe in control over gun sales. Are we holding accountable those to make the laws? That is on us. 

Our complicity perpetuates the problem. Be mad and remember. Remember when you vote. 

Start locally and take it nationally. Don’t forget, because those in Uvalde, Parkland, Columbine, and more will not forget. Our children deserve better. Show them they are worth it.

Let’s Talk About It: Trump

What is this visceral disdain? Is it the feeling of freedom?


I’ve had this feeling before.  It took me awhile to process what it was. That is normal for me; a survivor who has learned to identify emotions.

The arena of the world currently is like a bad dream. I am stuck in a place I don’t want to be. Like a raccoon in a corner I yell, gnash my teeth, and threaten the person who is in my way to retreat back to safety. Seeing the news, the anger, the rage I am not alone. 

Why? I am afraid.

I have no control. And in desperation I do everything to try to get it back. I’ll fight and I may look like the one out of control. In reality I am. People out of control are not always the aggressors. They are the victims of the abuse attempting to gain control of the uncontrollable similar to a drowning person who hits the one trying to save them.

It is the cycle of abuse. I want it to be over to get to the calm. But at times I must create the riot to get to it quicker. It is a sense of control over what cannot be controlled; my abuser.

I am afraid. I am an American and I am afraid.

Curbing histrionics I fear too many do not know the future. The rules seem to be broken. 

I was taught you do something wrong you get punished. You break the law you are punished. You follow the rules. They are a guideline to normalcy, a barometer you can count on. A line to follow. Actions equal consequences. Fair is fair and justice wins.

As a survivor I already know this reality does not always exist. But it does not mean it should not be the end goal. The feeling of freedom is not a personal identity. It is the collective bargaining of accepting different beliefs, theories, and perspectives. Freedom is the ability to disagree.

And freedom is not free. Its truth has a cost.

Those who wait for justice for Trump’s wrongdoings are frustrated. Those who want to move on and continue to support him want to forget or be in denial of his actions. This is America currently and we are divided yet so desperately want to be united. Ukraine helped this. As tragic as an attack it was it has united our support for another country who wants to invade another. 

Loss of life, injustice, and anarchy; we see it in the war on Ukraine.

We are apathetic to our own mirror of reality.

Let’s talk about it. I am open to opinion. I am not open to mean people. 

Injustice: Was Trump trying to overturn a fair election?

The simple answer is yes. He lost. Not everyone gets a trophy and one candidate has to lose. It is the mainstay of our political system. Our voice is our vote and he was voted out. I can shout from the rooftop I won the lottery but if I didn’t win it is a lie. Trump lied. He was wrong. His own vice president said the same. Mike Pence did his duty, accepted the outcome, followed procedure, and finished well by going to the inauguration of Joseph Biden and exited his post escorted by the newly elected Kamala Harris. Our processes ignite our freedom and accepting loss is a part of the process.

Anarchy: Was the election stolen?

The simple answer is no. Trump lost. Never fun but as we all know in life it happens. If any of you have children you have seen a temper tantrum. Trump’s tantrum created an event which we are still traumatized from. No, there was no fraud. There were enough votes for Trump to lose. Empirical evidence has validated it. It is the same system electing republicans and democrats for decades. It works in our democratic system. To not accept it is to allow anarchy where the person who was not elected stays in power. He lost. He did not accept it. He wants to lie enough times to create truth from a lie. This lie ignites anarchy. You can wrap a turd with a pretty bow but it is still a turd. Our court system works to justify the statement. Trump lost the election and it was not stolen.

Loss of Life: Is our cognitive dissonance killing our country?

Yes. To date the United States has lost over one million of our citizens to COVID. Persons are entitled to have their opinions. But as a whole our personal rights are at times limited for the good of the whole. Are we so lost in personal narcissism to not follow simple guidelines we may not like to protect others who cannot be protected otherwise? I’d like to believe so. When a person in authority is narcissistic they cannot lead for the betterment of others. The person in authority will engage and ignite those who desire to not follow the rules. 

Rules exist for a reason. To maintain order, to engage in the common good, to hold accountable those who don’t follow the rules. 

Scenario: I drive 60 MPH in front of your child’s school. I didn’t hit anyone, what’s the problem? It’s my right to drive my car as fast as I want. I’m a good driver, in fact, I drive better than anyone has driven in the history of America, maybe the world. Don’t tell me what to do with my life or my car.

Do I need to break this ridiculous statement down?

Had the leadership in this country been giving, thoughtful, and encouraging to all would the one million lives lost be an existing number? As uncle Ben said to Peter Parker, with great power comes great responsibility. He was irresponsible to the whole, our country, our lives. 

Why do I have this visceral disdain? 

It is because I care about others. I do not see this in the actions of Mr. Trump. He is an actor, not a good one, and he does not care about the whole country. His ego feeds on the lies and actions of those who follow his discord. He is not a good businessman. He has lost more companies and not been ethical in his practices.

I have the privilege to live where I hear the waft of reverie every morning near our local Navy base. I am proud of my country. Collectively we are strong. Divided we fall. I wish to see a flag fly without a disdainful comment following it. I salute those who protect it and I spit on those trying to destroy it. I am a citizen and American with a voice. I encourage you to use yours. I am not a liberal. I am an American citizen and I’ve had enough of the abuse of Mr. Trump.

And respectfully, if you still do not agree with a single word I said, why? I will ask you, do you want to be right or do you want to have relationship? Don’t let the need to be right restrict you from the courage to admit you may have been wrong. We all make mistakes, you don’t always get a trophy, and mutual ground builds strength instead of fighting or name calling. I learned this in kindergarten, lets evolve to first grade.